A Marriage Testimony: My First Letter to My Husband After My Marriage

A’yue  China

Hello A’kai:

I’m writing this letter to confess something. This is the first time I’ve said this after marrying you so many years ago, and it feels embarrassing to say. I don’t know where to begin, so I’ll begin with my childhood.

When I was young, I often heard the grownups around me say that marriage is a woman’s second birth, and that in this society, where worship of wealth and materialism runs rampant, if you want to be free from worry about food and clothing and have a good life, you can only do so by marrying a wealthy, capable man. From that moment on, finding a capable man who could earn money became my standard for choosing a husband.

After I grew up, to realize my desire, I carefully screened my potential other halves. But, my aunt introduced me to a potential husband, a man who didn’t have a mouth full of flowery words, who was simple and honest, and who came from a poor family—you. You came suddenly into my life, and we broke up just as suddenly. I was entranced by the idea that “Money comes first,” and only wanted to find a wealthy, capable man. After you, I met a man who seemed to be the ideal I wanted to fall in love with, but he thought little of me, and in the end we went our separate ways, which was very distressing for me.

That day, you and your parents came to see me and persuaded me to change my mind, and I reluctantly agreed. But did you know that I still regretted it? I saw you as having nothing, as someone who couldn’t give me the happiness I desired. I didn’t care about your feelings. I split up and reunited with you three times, all in pursuit of my own happiness. You tolerated my selfishness and waited for me, and that touched me, but I still wasn’t satisfied. This was also the moment I fell ill with a strange, painful condition that could only be controlled with medicine and for which the root cause couldn’t be treated. I was heartbroken and dejected, and I wondered why my life was so difficult. But this was also the moment you took up the burden and proposed to me. I didn’t know if you were trying to strike while the iron was hot or had another reason, but in my helpless state, I reluctantly agreed to marry you.

How Can My Young, Brash, and Arrogant Self Get Along With My Grandmother?

An Qi

My name is An Qi. Before the age of six, I was living at my grandmother’s house. At the time, my grandmother was the person with whom I felt closest to. Each day when I went to the kindergarten, my grandmother decided which clothes I would wear and how I would comb my hair. I felt that my grandmother did these things the best. Gradually, I grew up and I started to disapprove of some of the things that my grandmother did. My grandmother also started to disapprove of me as well. Each time I went to her house, she would scold me. If she wasn’t nagging me on one thing, she would be nagging me about something else. I felt very upset.